Rabbis, Oprah and Dating

A well-meaning friend emailed a link to a page on Oprah.com, titled "Where to Find a Nice Guy." No, she wasn't suggesting I switch teams. Rather, she seemed to think I could "reverse-engineer" Rabbi Shmuley's advice to find where women might be looking for nice guys.

All due respect to the good Rabbi, he needs to find his way out of the nineteenth century.

His first suggestion is to look in houses of worship, where one will find "men with a spiritual disposition." Maybe. One also may find religious zealots, child molesters building their cred, and con artists looking for an easy mark (which also would be about building cred, come to that). In short, dear Rabbi, the scum of the earth now go to church not to pray, but to prey. I would be doubly cautious about anyone I met in a house of worship. Scepticism? Perhaps, though I would think it more on the path of prudence.

Next Rabbi Shmuley suggests bookstores, where "you'll find men who are intelligent." Obviously, the Rabbi hasn't been to a Borders lately, and seen the sort of books dominating the shelves. Rabbi, no one who reads the bovine droppings that constitute the vast majority of offerings from the American publishing industry can be considered intelligent. For every No Country for Old Men, or The Brief History of the Dead, there are a dozen dozen bodice-rippers or potboilers. Which do you suppose fly off the shelves?

On that same theme, he suggests libraries: "quiet, contemplative settings that often attract intellectual guys." Not to mention the homeless, who haunt public libraries as refuge from the weather. Now, lest anyone claim I am biased against those down on their luck, I am merely stating the obvious: libraries are no longer the ivory towers they once were.

I have a bit of ambivalence over Rabbi's advice to look to the military. I hold our armed forces in highest regard, but experience—first- and second-hand—proves today's Army attracts many undesirables. Does the name Timothy McVeigh ring any bells? We are fortunate that the wackos of any stripe generally are weeded out in the first two or three years of service, though a few slip through and make the Army a career. So yes, Rabbi, these are "men [and women] with a sense of mission." Just what that mission might be is what must concern us.

I had to laugh at the advice to look to charity events for "men with a social conscience." I have four words for you, Rabbi: court ordered community service.

Likewise, seeking a soul mate on dates set up by friends brought a chuckle. Whilst my friends might be "discerning in who they'll introduce," most of my friends have heard all my tales of blind date disasters—and thus steer well clear of setting me up.

Rabbi Shmuley also suggests the workplace and weddings as potential mate-finding zones. Even if I didn't work in my very own little study, at home, I don't believe in dipping my pen in the company ink. And weddings? Almost everyone I know is married, and has children. Perhaps when the children are ready to marry...

Rabbi, I must say this: at least you try to amplify your spot-on core advice ("Shmuleyism"): "A good [mate], while not easy to find, is possible as long as you look in the right places, and the right places mean venues that foster purpose, compassion, hard work and spiritual commitment." But Rabbi, you gotta get out in the world more.